Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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