I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
