I have demons in me.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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