So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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