Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
