She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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