she was so not down for the gang bang
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
