I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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