I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
