put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
