I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize