Everything about him screamed your future.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
