Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
