Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
