i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
