MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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