Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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