You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
