Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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