He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Randomize
