I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
