It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
