were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
