Where did you get a picture of my penis
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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