I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just tell him i said nine months
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
