im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
