How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
