is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
