If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
