I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
