You don't have asthma, your pregnant
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
