Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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