and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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