I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
