I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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