my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
