she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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