honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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