This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
