My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
