I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
