I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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