I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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