You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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