I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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