I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Enjoy the penises
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
