No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
