shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I woke up under a house in Key West
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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