then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
