Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
